My boy should be turning 29 tomorrow, the 25th June 2015, and in my mind he is turning 29 and celebrating his birthday.
I’m sad but still so proud of him.
As the years glide by I am ever increasingly proud of him and as I look back and remember the years we have travelled, the life we had, he had and the happiness and the pain he endured as well as the acceptance of the end of his life. He did this with such grace and with laughter and a smile.
When you stand at the end of time, as the sun slowly sets on your life, facing into the wind… will you be at peace or have regret?
I believe time is a merging of events on a roughly travelled road.
There will always be those who kick up the dirt, others who travel respectfully and those who pass by so quietly you barely notice them. Some will be at peace, some will struggle, many will be oblivious and many will suffer.
We have little impact on those others but we do impact those who pass us by and stay awhile to mingle or remain.
Regret is an unnecessary burden in life that except for death, usually, is self-inflicted.
So many seem to believe that by apportioning blame to those close by, absolves them from bearing any responsibility for the mistakes, choices and decisions that they make.
None of us are given a handbook at birth and instructed on how to ‘live’. We just do.
Embrace it, kick at it, fight it, love it, live it, hate it – whatever – but that’s the journey. It’s not about who is to blame, or who damaged my childhood, or who needs to pay for it… it is about standing tall, being alive and going wow! This is my life and what should I do with it.
Life can be short, it is not a given that we will grow old together, and the next moment is unsure.
Don’t waste time,
don’t waste opportunity,
don’t waste time on the what if,
don’t waste time on the you owe me,
don’t waste time on I don’t know
just don’t waste time
don’t waste your life
live it,
try and enjoy the moments,
accept those around you as you cannot change them,
embrace life,
smile and be happy,
If at the end of your day you can throw your head back and stretch wide knowing you have no or little regret then you have journeyed well.
And I salute you.
In the morning I will sit with A and remember that laughter and the love he gave us. Although I will be sad he makes my heart sing.
To you A, my darling son and brother, who blessed Laila and I, our beautiful Aleisha, and the friends and family who loved him
Your mother – always
A