I am always amazed at the frailty of the human body, so easily destroyed or broken. Yet, housed deep within is unimaginable inner strength and resolve. Enduring capabilities that cope when facing adversity with untapped power and resolve, love, joy, sadness, heartache and much, much more.
We are surrounded daily with tales of these strengths; it touches us when in print, on the news, in the community, within our family or circle of friends.
However, we live our own reality so never diminish that. It is easy to be affected by the suffering of others and to put our own pain aside. How many of us have uttered the words “there by the grace of god go I” or “touch wood”. I’m a culprit of that, not taking the time to reach into my own soul and depths to discover my pain as I know that if I touch that far down I might never recover. Such is the pain and sadness of this journey I walk.
So, I take each day as it dawns and try and find brightness in every day to give me strength and a reason to keep walking. Aidan’s tenacity was a shining example of this.
I feel as though I am crumbling on the inside whilst to the world I’m the same maybe just looking a bit worse for wear ! As I take another step I see my own footprints ahead of me and the knowledge that I am walking in my own set is an awful and foreboding feeling as this time I do not have that wonderful child next to me holding my hand, making me smile and feel that it is all worthwhile.
Aidan’s birthday is fast approaching and I can feel my body ache and the tears hover waiting for permission to expose themselves. How I miss my dear boy, every minute of every day.
Then, I take a breath and think of my dear friend just out of hospital fighting her own demons, another beautiful girl surviving cancer, my inspiring daughter in law coping with the loss of her soul-mate, husband and friend, a wonderful friend coming to terms with the betrayal of her marriage and the reminder is constantly with me that if you scratch the surface of all our lives, beneath lies some catastrophe, sadness, hurt, illness, pain and joy.
For each of us the road we travel is fraught with unbelievable highs and lows.
It’s how we get through them that is important and how to find the balance within to keep us going. I believe that without joy and laughter we would never make it. Laughter makes us draw breath which adds lightness to our being. The other emotions are dark and dreary and we drag them around like an anchor, weighing us down. Aidan laughed from deep within his belly. His body would shake and that would make me laugh and what a good feeling that was, sharing a moment, lightening our load just for that instant.
All around us are stories of sadness, soldiers dying, car accidents, drunken behaviour, family murders, an idiot with a gun, sudden death, ill health and just growing old.
Life is so fragile. Aidan showed all who travelled with him that it is not difficult to be nice, to be polite and friendly, to say thank you and I’m sorry, to be fair and loyal. I propose that we remember to rejoice in each other. Smile at strangers, work colleagues, family and friends. Be kind to each other. Think twice before you say ugly words to the people you love. Don’t hurt others intentionally. Choose your friends well. Read daily uplifting affirmations. Light candles. Be grateful for the people in your life. Take care of each other. Sing wildly. Pray or meditate whatever rocks your boat. Find your sense of purpose, try and be happy, take care of you and don’t feel alone.
I thank the universe daily for my family and friends without whom I would not have survived this far nor would I be able to continue further. Trying to make sense of it all can wait another day.
On Saturday, 25th June, we will celebrate the Pirate Chef’s 25th birthday and will send Aidan all our love as we do every day. I never thought for a moment that he would not be alive and with me on this journey but he will always be beside me.
Please join me in wishing my beautiful boy and Aleisha’s husband a Happy 25th Birthday ….Hip hip Hooray… love ya A
May the heavens shine forth with twinkling stars in the night sky and celebrate the kindness of his soul, as we light candles and bless him.
Love & laughter
Alison
20/10/10
The Road’s End
When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once had, miss me but let me go.
For this journey that we must all take, and each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you’re lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds; miss me but let me go.