Stepping out of the shower I stepped between two worlds of time.
The now continued to hum around me but the past stood alongside me and with me.
It felt as though time set its own speed according to the pace of my life and activities. Sometimes languid, at a steady trot or speeding past at an unstoppable pace.
I stood wrapped in my towel with the past whispering in my ear soft and gentle.
The years fell away and five years became a moment. The familiar voice hung in the air. My tears ran unabated and my heart was grateful to hear those tones and the playful humour and affection that sits in the timbre of them.
Swiftly the end days were back and vivid in that step between times.
For the past few months my memories had been that of watching a small boy grow and repetitive. Remembering those baby years, the pre-school and school ones, events, holidays, rugby matches in the rain and the mud, saxophone concerts and the pleasure and delight of passing time.
That beautiful warm smile, the boy with a huge heart and a big soul who held my hand and brought me endless days of warmth and love.
September was childhood cancer awareness month and for some it would be a celebration of life as it is to me.
I celebrate Laila and Aidan’s life every day. Not every minute as daily events keep me focused and on track. But somewhere in my day will be a moment – a reminder.
All it takes is a feather, a book, a photo, a familiar laugh, a song, a gift, a memory recall or a sunset.
The push to remember will never go away as it threads its way into my life, blending itself into the texture of my skin, becoming a willing accessory to my everyday life.
A child’s lifetime of moments and spirit will find a way to nudge my day. Often bringing a smile or a glow to my heart. Other times it will be my undoing as the pain and remembrance create a ‘why’…
I miss you, my throat burns and the despair engulfs me and I’m forced to acknowledge the sadness before I can put it to rest again.
My name is called and I’m jolted. The pain in my heart eases and my mind settles down as time strips back and leaves me aware of where I am standing, in the present.
It’s another new day and I need to step away from the past and back into it the now.
Wiping my face I look forward to another time between worlds and time.
October is full of days to be remembered and celebrated.
10/10/2010 a wedding and a daughter
15/10/2010 a real wedding
20/10/2010 a passing
26/10/2010 a funeral and a celebration
One step at a time…
AAA
