We all need something to believe in, to make sense of this sad, crazy, happy world we live in.
Last Friday I sat amongst tears at a wake and heard of fairies, hope, life, accomplishments and sadness.
I wish I could see the fairies dancing at the bottom of my garden, and all our lost ones dancing among the stars. I hear them, I feel them over my shoulder and in my space. Be that love, or energy or just belief it doesn’t matter because as I said to my beautiful therapist, it doesn’t get better…
I just hurt, I’m just soo sad, I ache, and I miss my children and I accept that I will till I take my last breath.
When brother Michael was with me and we were walking through the rainforest we talked and agreed that this is an awesome place to live. I have Aidan to thank for that – it was his dream and tenacity that helped me make the choices for us, that brought me to the place where I am today.
His darling Aleisha will soon be a mom and bring a wonderful addition to our family. I know this is not my mine but I have loved so many that are not mine, as I will this one. This much loved baby will add joy to my shattered heart.
I don’t live with regrets. I am sorry for some of the choices I have made in life, and how I handled those choices but good or bad, I’ve lived with those choices and made them work or moved on.
Life is about choices, in seizing the moment and putting yourself in the path of random events and capitalising on them. Its about taking a leadership role in your life. Errors and failure, disappointments and heartache will always happen. Its how we get up and go forward and get stronger that’s important. Recognising the need to get back up gets you stronger, and helps you push forward and upward.
Life keeps me here, anchoring me to my sadness but also giving me time to seize moments and keep getting back up.
Its easy to act in the moment with all our technology, and hurt and wound as we move through our digital world, removed and distant, without a thought of consequence or emotional backlash.
Consider your next choice. We only know this moment and the past, the next moment could be your last, or it could be the start of something new. Embrace life, be aware and care for those around you.
Don’t live selfishly – think of others and pay it forward.
Happy birthday my darling boy – Aidan Cale XXX
