Granny Rita apologised for asking as she could not remember how old Laila would be.
I realised that in Australia there is Aidan and in South Africa there was Aidan and Laila.
Not many know that Aidan had a sister and that she would be 18years, so, as I sit this crisp wintry morning I think it’s time the Pirate Chef reveals his sister and adds her to his page.
My first introduction to Australia was when Aidan and I visited in July 04 and I was three months pregnant. On our return to SA our lives were tossed around. There was no one to meet us at the airport, on our arrival at home we were greeted with an empty house and boxes packed with our belongings and waiting for us. So began another new beginning for Aidan and I, and now in retrospect one I’m glad that I was forced to take.
Aidan and I found a new home; we lost friends along the way to many judgements but gained new ones, readjusted to life as a single mother.
Vaun and Renee suggested I have a holiday back in Cape Town and decided to birth Laila there. It was such a relief to be ‘home’ surrounded by my best friends.
Laila Vaun was born on the 9th January 1995 and as she lay on my stomach, newly born, I was overcome with an immense joy and wonderment. Aidan fell in love with his sister before she was born. He had always wanted a sister and had put her on his wish lists to Santa.
He was delighted with her and his gentle, humorous ways entertained her over the years. They were joined together through a kindred spirit and my best memories are of the two of them laughing together.
Laila blessed our lives and she and Aidan filled my heart and soul with love, warmth and joy.
Being a single mother is a struggle but it is also fabulous and it gave me quality time with my children when well or sick.
A few months after Laila turned two we noticed bruises over her body and after asking questions and investigating we ended at her paediatrician who sat with sad eyes and told me that she was ill and that we needed to take her to the Red Cross Children’s hospital for further tests.
The waiting is that time when your heart sits in your throat and your chest constricts and burns not knowing what the diagnosis will be, never really believing that it will be ‘bad’. When the results came back that it was not cancer I felt instant relief but there was a but – more tests were needed to find out exactly what was the problem.
Listening to Laila cry during her lumbar puncture seared through me and left me feeling helpless. Her diagnosis left me feeling more helpless – 50-50 chance – a one in a million disease – not prevalent in small children … I felt disbelief and sadness and then looked around at the children waiting, as day patients to be seen to in the cancer ward, and realised that this would start to become part of our existence. Aplastic anaemia is a disease in which the bone marrow, and the blood stem cells that reside there, are damaged. This causes a deficiency of all three blood cell types, red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets. Aplastic refers to inability of the stem cells to generate the mature blood cells.
It occurs most commonly in the teens and twenties, and also among the elderly. It can be caused by exposure to chemicals, drugs, radiation, infection, immune disease, in about half the cases the cause is unknown. Normal bone marrow has 30-70% blood stem cells, but in aplastic anaemia, these cells are mostly gone and replaced by fat.
Aplastic anaemia is treated with immunosuppressive drugs, typically either anti-lymphocyte globulin or anti-thymocyte globulin, combined with corticosteroids and cyclosporine and regular blood transfusions and platelet transfusions.
The next 7 months were spent having regular visits to the hospital, finger pricks, blood transfusions, overnight stays, spending time at home until Laila’s blood counts got too low, waking Aidan in the middle of the night and packing the car and heading for the ward, watching Aidan do his homework in the ward and play with sick children and so and so until we were living at the hospital.
Aidan was always happy to be with Laila and spent hours sitting with her in her hospital room, playing games, dressing Barbie dolls, watching movies, arranging flowers and reading to her.
One of the hardest days of my life was going to see Aidan at his dad’s house on Christmas morning and instead of being the bearer of gifts I had to tell him that his sister was dying and that I did not know how long we had with her. Aidan howled and so did I internally. He was 11.
Aidan and I were given another week with Laila and she died in my arms on the 31 December 1997.
Aidan and I survived and our bond grew even closer.
I missed my baby with every fibre in my body but I had a gorgeous son to care for, who needed me, who was also sad and suffering and life does go on – and so did I.
Aidan wanted to move and live in Australia, it was calling him and he felt he wanted to finish school and settle here. He came to me with a proposal when he was 15 and after much deliberation I decided to take a chance and give it a go. We sold up, packed up and put everything into storage and headed for Oz, another new beginning and Aleisha.
Aidan met Aleisha at school not long after we arrived and for various reasons their relationship grew slowly into a firm friendship. They finally cemented their relationship at schoolies at the end of year 12.
Their relationship grew and matured and they had fun together, getting their careers going, traveling, celebrating 21sts and then there was the day that Aidan had his eyes tested. As Aidan and I sat waiting for the results of his MRI we held hands. Tumour was the last word I expected to hear.
Aidan and I stood in the street afterwards and looked at each other with tears in our eyes, he saying sorry to me for being sick and I was saying sorry because I felt such guilt. We hugged each other and started the next part of our journey.
I have endured much pain losing both my children to illness but I have been enriched knowing them both, birthing them, cherishing them and just loving them as their mother.
Aidan wrote an essay at school in Australia, it is not totally factual but displays his feelings and details part of his journey, which I will publish here for you to read in his own hand. Laila’s story I have been writing and will publish here when ready.
Aidan’s Story (PDF)
To my dearest Aidan and Laila
Fly together
Laugh together
Be together – forever
Aidan Cale Needham (25/06/1986 – 20/10/2010) & Laila Vaun Rip (09/01/1995 – 31/12/1997)