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Some people repeat mantras, others buy desk pads of affirmations and books, some forward emails containing daily affirmations. I wear mine – the fast, fading bracelet that says “if I can, you can” reminds me daily that there is always someone facing challenges and possibly worse off. www.gogckids.com
I was told of someone I know whose son was shot and killed and how she took to an alcoholic induced haze for the first year whilst trying to come to terms with the loss of her only child.
On some level I envy her as I have never had the support or means to just fall apart. I’ve always had to work to cover expenses. That’s what keeps me going – not out of choice but out of necessity.
Neither of these is ideal. We all need to grieve, be angry and sad, feel let down or short changed, to try and make sense of it all, to try and move on and a balanced approach is obviously better.
In my heart I know that Aidan would be heart sore and devastated if he knew that I had collapsed in a heap with no way of moving on without him.
He never consciously inflicted pain or caused distress to me. Always treating Aleisha and I with humour, sensitivity and compassion.
So, for him I gather my strength daily. Some days I smile at his photograph and other days I might cry out “why did you leave me” but by the time I utter the words I’m on my feet and heading towards my day.
This morning I gazed out over the ocean and watched the calmness of the sea gain momentum and turn into a wave. Pulling, pushing, receding, pounding and pummeling the shore line.
That’s life I thought.
If you look upon each others lives your first impression is of calm similar to an ocean but the varying shades of colour hint at the challenges we face.
Many may ride the troughs and highs, others may encounter tidal waves, momentous seas and storms, some hurricanes and tornados.
At some point we all come ashore. The lucky ones may drift gently up the sand. Others may roll in on a wave, possibly dumped and flung about depending on the tide. Few will take a battering on the rocks and have themselves torn asunder.
Miraculously for most of us our bodies do heal and our strength returns. We tender to our wounds with alcohol, drugs, remedies, food, fast cars….pretty much anything to dull the aches and pains.
It does not matter how destructive we are as with time our physical bodies will heal. It’s how we nourish our internal self that important.
Whether we surround ourselves with good, caring and trusting friends/family or choose to meditate or pray, to eat healthily, to sit quietly and read a book or dance to wild music at some point we start to accept that the pain or loss will remain forever. It’s how we deal with it that’s important.
On the 10th I held my daughter by marriage and wished her a happy 1st anniversary and as we hugged each other I thought how cruel life can be, she without her husband and me without my son. I cannot change what’s been but I hope I can continue to touch her life and that the fingerprints I leave behind are clean, positive and bright.
When life ends love does not. It just changes form.
You cannot see their smile, prepare food together, hug them or tousle their hair but memory becomes your partner. You nurture memories, embrace them and carry them with you on your dance through life.
May you be blessed with as many happy memories as I have.
Love
Alison
Aidan Cale Needham
25/06/86 – 20/10/10