The Pirate Chef turns 25

by Alison | Jun 21, 2011 | .

I am always amazed at the frailty of the human body, so easily destroyed or broken. Yet, housed deep within is unimaginable inner strength and resolve. Enduring capabilities that cope when facing adversity with untapped power and resolve, love, joy, sadness, heartache and much, much more.

We are surrounded daily with tales of these strengths; it touches us when in print, on the news, in the community, within our family or circle of friends.

However, we live our own reality so never diminish that. It is easy to be affected by the suffering of others and to put our own pain aside. How many of us have uttered the words “there by the grace of god go I” or “touch wood”. I’m a culprit of that, not taking the time to reach into my own soul and depths to discover my pain as I know that if I touch that far down I might never recover. Such is the pain and sadness of this journey I walk.

So, I take each day as it dawns and try and find brightness in every day to give me strength and a reason to keep walking. Aidan’s tenacity was a shining example of this.

I feel as though I am crumbling on the inside whilst to the world I’m the same maybe just looking a bit worse for wear ! As I take another step I see my own footprints ahead of me and the knowledge that I am walking in my own set is an awful and foreboding feeling as this time I do not have that wonderful child next to me holding my hand, making me smile and feel that it is all worthwhile.

Aidan’s birthday is fast approaching and I can feel my body ache and the tears hover waiting for permission to expose themselves. How I miss my dear boy, every minute of every day.

Then, I take a breath and think of my dear friend just out of hospital fighting her own demons, another beautiful girl surviving cancer, my inspiring daughter in law coping with the loss of her soul-mate, husband and friend, a wonderful friend coming to terms with the betrayal of her marriage and the reminder is constantly with me that if you scratch the surface of all our lives, beneath lies some catastrophe, sadness, hurt, illness, pain and joy.

For each of us the road we travel is fraught with unbelievable highs and lows.

It’s how we get through them that is important and how to find the balance within to keep us going. I believe that without joy and laughter we would never make it. Laughter makes us draw breath which adds lightness to our being. The other emotions are dark and dreary and we drag them around like an anchor, weighing us down. Aidan laughed from deep within his belly. His body would shake and that would make me laugh and what a good feeling that was, sharing a moment, lightening our load just for that instant.

All around us are stories of sadness, soldiers dying, car accidents, drunken behaviour, family murders, an idiot with a gun, sudden death, ill health and just growing old.

Life is so fragile. Aidan showed all who travelled with him that it is not difficult to be nice, to be polite and friendly, to say thank you and I’m sorry, to be fair and loyal. I propose that we remember to rejoice in each other. Smile at strangers, work colleagues, family and friends. Be kind to each other. Think twice before you say ugly words to the people you love. Don’t hurt others intentionally. Choose your friends well. Read daily uplifting affirmations. Light candles. Be grateful for the people in your life. Take care of each other. Sing wildly. Pray or meditate whatever rocks your boat. Find your sense of purpose, try and be happy, take care of you and don’t feel alone.

I thank the universe daily for my family and friends without whom I would not have survived this far nor would I be able to continue further. Trying to make sense of it all can wait another day.

On Saturday, 25^th June, we will celebrate the Pirate Chef’s 25^th birthday and will send Aidan all our love as we do every day. I never thought for a moment that he would not be alive and with me on this journey but he will always be beside me.

Please join me in wishing my beautiful boy and Aleisha’s husband a Happy 25^th Birthday ….Hip hip Hooray… love ya A

May the heavens shine forth with twinkling stars in the night sky and celebrate the kindness of his soul, as we light candles and bless him.

Love & laughter

Alison

 20/10/10

The Road’s End

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once had, miss me but let me go.
For this journey that we must all take, and each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you’re lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds; miss me but let me go.

Aidan …

by AN | Apr 11, 2011 | .

Hi All,

Life seems to have kept me on its rocky road and here I sit trying to make sense of it all. One thing I do know is that I had the most wonderful son who bought me unbelievable joy and through his determination a new country , new friends and the opportunity to give him the best health care possible.

Aidan walked my journey beside me not always as my boy but also as a man who listened, supported, encouraged me and laughed with me and for me and through his humour and gentle spirit he was my foundation stone. Not many mothers have the opportunity to be a single mom, to raise their boy through tragedy, to move country together, to share such life changing events, to be able to talk to each other, to look each other in the eye with honesty and to have to face your son when he says “ I have a brain tumour and I am sorry that you have to go through this again” and for him to hear me say “ I’m sorry because I feel so responsible”.

I have always told Aidan how much I love him. I have held him in my arms when he felt so helpless and felt he was waiting to die. Just as he has held me as an eleven year old boy when Laila died. Together we have travelled a journey fraught with challenges, sorrow but also immense love, laughter and joy.

Aidan met Aleisha when they were at school and I remember being his taxi so that he could visit her back then at fifteen, just as friends. I know that our relationship was hard for her to understand but we overcame those obstacles and she has grown and matured beyond her years. Her loyalty and love for Aidan has known no boundaries and has been a delight to witness. She is a wonderful young woman and I am just so sad for her that she has had to experience so much so soon.

Married for ten days and then having to organise a funeral when for others their future would have just been starting. A asked me to look after her which I will do and as they were planning their honeymoon to Cape Town she has asked her mom and I if we could all go together as she would like to see and get to know the land of Aidan’s birth.

The magic of numbers  – they married on the 10-10-10 , second wedding so that she could wear her beautiful dress was on the 15-10-10 and then our boy crossed over on the 20-10-2010.

I owe many of you letters or return calls but I am lost for words at present and am trying to hold myself together and deal with each day as it dawns. My whole life has changed and after being so focused on A these last two and half years it is difficult to have time. But time I have and life looks and feels different.

So, sorry for this group mail but I just wanted to say hi and to thank you all from my heart for all the support I receive. The emails, cards, flowers, messages, calls etc have touched me deeply and kept me going.  I am so blessed to have Aidan as my son and you in my life.

10-10-10

15-10-10

The Road’s End

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once had, miss me but let me go.
For this journey that we must all take, and each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you’re lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds; miss me but let me go.